Friday, 4 July 2008

Thanet is [NOT] an insane assylum

*** This post has been removed by order of the ministry of deniable facts ***

Friday, 20 June 2008

No Dead Coppers

By "Department of Official Facts" reporter Roger Rectus

There was no policeman killed recently. A train did not hit him and there was not a four hour delay. The man who was not killed was not lieing on the ground.

The death that did not happen was not a suisde and not a murder.

More news in he late report but right now we have some offical visitors tot he offices and must ** *** **** ** *** ******** ** *** ***** **** *******.

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Famouse Thanet Lord Abducted By Aliens

*** This post has been removed by order of the ministry of deniable facts ***

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Talking Village Looses Stuff

The famouse talking village said through it's "voice" that it had lost it's links. After some famouse Thanet investigation we can tell you that it was the villages Cuff Links that were lost. What all that means is lost on us but ******* is reported by the ***** ** ***** to be ************.

This might reflect on the fact that *** [snip] *** THE COMMITTEE FOR OFFICIAL TRUTH HAS EDITED THIS "NEWS" FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY *** [SNIP] *** and then took him fishing.

Tuesday, 8 April 2008

Scenic Railway Burns - We are all supprised.

From Boctor Baggins - Fortunate Fires Department

As we have previously not reported The Scenic Railway the much hated "bone in the throat" of the house building future of Thanet has been burned to the ground. House builders everywhere are celebrating the act of God and sending big fat cheques to a man called Godden. It is a well known fact that business men in Thanet are a bit thick.

The future development of some stunningly identical flats is now assured so long as the police can not pin the fire on the land owners, the council or ******* *** *******.

We can exclusively tell you that the hand of god in this case was Mr ******* ******* of ******** in *********, ****.


...he also owned a dog.

Friday, 28 March 2008

Nick Dorman we salute you

We at the every impressive Thanet Eye would like to salute Nick Dorman of the lesser but still good The People newspaper. His distortion of local facts to fit his story was masterful to the point of genius. Some have called what he has written lieing but we defended him pointing to the artistic truthiness of the article.

Nick Dorman is clearly a man who will never have to worry about censorship coming nowhere near the protected facts preferring the emotive truthiness of reporting. Truly he is a man worth watching.

Nick Dorman we salute you!

Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Official: There is no snow

We have just recieved word from the Office of Official Facts (OOF) that there has been no snow this easter. Any signs of white, ice like, stuff is, apparently, the product of a poor diet.

While we thank OOF for this statement we would like to say *** CENSORED FOR THE GREATER GOOD ***



I am sure you will agree that ******** ** *** ********* ****** **** **.

Thursday, 20 March 2008

Shock News

**** This news has been censored ****

**** This news does not implicate a public figure in a crime as crime is falling ****

Sunday, 16 March 2008


From Robert Ningby, Gossip sub-editor.

Good god! Thanet can be so uneventful sometimes. Just the other day something almost happened but fortunately it was censored by *** before anything significant could transpire.

Such a fast pace of life we lead.

Thursday, 13 March 2008

R Gale, Hamster Eater

In shock news ***** **** the ** for ****** Thanet ***** *** ** ****** **** ** * **** *** ***** ***. "Mp R Gale ate my new hamster says" ******* of Margate.


He added that although it might seem to be a blue boat it was indeed a normal ****** ** ****** * ** **** ****** * ****** ***** ********** *******.

So there we go.

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

Shades Smashed!

More in tonights edition if Spotter can find his typewriter

Apparently the Shades, long dear hole of ***** common ****. Damn that censor.

Anyway the common folks have been booted out (too damn right too) but have unfortunately been relocated to a ghetto located nearby. The council has promised locals more of it's strong prison grade fencing to keep the buggers inside this time.

I would report more but the weeping of the common folk awoke me at an ungodly hour this morning and I don't bloody want to. Heh, I got that one in ****ing ****** censors that ***** **** ** ****** ***. C***s!

Sod this I'm going to have my *** **** breakfast.

* **** ** ******, *** ***** *** ******! *** ***** *** * ** *** - *****.

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Old News in new shoes

Old Berty is always fond of a quote or two. Mind you Berty was fond of quite a lot of things and not all of them good for public newspapers. without further ado here is a big fat one.

Quote obviously.

Why do so many online communities tolerate trolls, sick psychopaths, and toxic personalities? "Oh noes!" you wail, "We cannot be exclusionary, because that is Wrong!" Baloney. Quit being a wuss and exclude the destructive buttheads. Create and enforce some community standards, because tolerating poisonous people is the same as taking a big hot steaming dump on the cool sane people you want to have around. I cannot fathom the spineless mentality that would rather suck up to psychopaths than stand up for friends.

"Oh noes!" you wail some more, "What about Free Speech?" Hey, what about enforcing standards and creating an atmosphere that permit actual useful conversation, instead of allowing vandals to run the show? I doubt that human rights will be set back very much by squashing dialogue like "I wont to ram util u cry." I had the pleasure of receiving this communication recently. Lucky me, torn between outrage at the message, and dismay over the terrible spelling
and grammar.

This sort of junk is not trivial or something to endure as the price of participating in online communities. It's violence, it's an attack, and I despise the people who make excuses for it.

Carla Schroder, from

Thursday, 21 February 2008

Censored by the powers that be

* ***** *** **** * * ** * ***** * **** * *** ************ (*** **** * **** ***). *** *** **** * then * ** * *****, **** * *** *******. *** **** * - * ** * ***** * **** * *** *******. **** * ***** **** **** *** **** * ****** ** **** * **** too.

**** *** in a **** * * ** * ***** * **** * *** ************ (*** **** * **** ***). *** *** **** * * ** * *****, **** * with *** *******. *** **** * - * ** * ***** * **** * *** *******. **** * ***** **** **** *** **** also * ****** ** **** * ****.

**** ** **** *** * **** ****** ***** ****** * ** * **.

******* ****, *** ****!

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

First Post!

Welcome dear readers to the newspaper that is better than all others - the Thanet Eye. Purchased by me it is now the sexiest damn news thing on the Planet. I know you will wet yourself trying to make sure you never miss out on a word that passes the lips of the worlds foremost fictional Thanet dweller.

Good I am so sexy sometimes I want to **** myself. Hey? Where the **** did those ****ing stars come from?

**** ****! ********!

Damn government censors. Stop it I say.