Thanet is [NOT] an insane assylum

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No Dead Coppers

By "Department of Official Facts" reporter Roger Rectus

There was no policeman killed recently. A train did not hit him and there was not a four hour delay. The man who was not killed was not lieing on the ground.

The death that did not happen was not a suisde and not a murder.

More news in he late report but right now we have some offical visitors tot he offices and must ** *** **** ** *** ******** ** *** ***** **** *******.

Famouse Thanet Lord Abducted By Aliens

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Talking Village Looses Stuff

The famouse talking village said through it's "voice" that it had lost it's links. After some famouse Thanet investigation we can tell you that it was the villages Cuff Links that were lost. What all that means is lost on us but ******* is reported by the ***** ** ***** to be ************.

This might reflect on the fact that *** [snip] *** THE COMMITTEE FOR OFFICIAL TRUTH HAS EDITED THIS "NEWS" FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY *** [SNIP] *** and then took him fishing.

Scenic Railway Burns - We are all supprised.

From Boctor Baggins - Fortunate Fires Department

As we have previously not reported The Scenic Railway the much hated "bone in the throat" of the house building future of Thanet has been burned to the ground. House builders everywhere are celebrating the act of God and sending big fat cheques to a man called Godden. It is a well known fact that business men in Thanet are a bit thick.

The future development of some stunningly identical flats is now assured so long as the police can not pin the fire on the land owners, the council or ******* *** *******.

We can exclusively tell you that the hand of god in this case was Mr ******* ******* of ******** in *********, ****.

*** THE CENSOR WOULD LIKE IT TO BE KNOWN THAT THERE WAS NO CRIME AND THE WOOD BURNED BECAUSE IT WAS TOO DRY EVEN IF IT HAD BEEN RAINING ***

...he also owned a dog.

Nick Dorman we salute you

We at the every impressive Thanet Eye would like to salute Nick Dorman of the lesser but still good The People newspaper. His distortion of local facts to fit his story was masterful to the point of genius. Some have called what he has written lieing but we defended him pointing to the artistic truthiness of the article.

Nick Dorman is clearly a man who will never have to worry about censorship coming nowhere near the protected facts preferring the emotive truthiness of reporting. Truly he is a man worth watching.

Nick Dorman we salute you!

Official: There is no snow

We have just recieved word from the Office of Official Facts (OOF) that there has been no snow this easter. Any signs of white, ice like, stuff is, apparently, the product of a poor diet.

While we thank OOF for this statement we would like to say *** CENSORED FOR THE GREATER GOOD ***

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I am sure you will agree that ******** ** *** ********* ****** **** **.